Now That I’m In My Late 30s…

Y’all. This Facebook post from Amy Weatherly popped up in my feed again, and let me just say that it is all the feels I’m having today. Or, you know, most of the feels. The other feels I’m addressing with a little Tiger Balm and ibuprofen.

Anyway – I can’t say it better than this, so read on and enjoy!

Hobbies Now that I’m in my late 30s Include:

1. Taking showers so hot it burns off the top layer of skin.

2. De-cluttering.

3. Buying more stuff on Amazon.

4. Searching for the perfect pair of black leggings.

5. Avoiding laundry like…well, a year ago, I would have said like the plague. I don’t know what to say now, but I avoid it like somebody I don’t want to see at the grocery store.

6. Sitting in parking lots alone. YES AMEN HALLELUJAH.

7. Stressing out about getting invited to social events. WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR?

8. Stressing out about not getting invited to social events. WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME?

9. Wishing NSYNC would get back together, and Usher and Justin Timberlake would do some sort of dance off/battle thing.

10. Buying face creams, wondering why they don’t work after two weeks of inconsistent use, shoving them in the bottom of the drawer, buying new face cream and truly believing that “this is the one.”

11. Wondering what life is like for people who can eat whatever they want and still stay skinny.

12. Peeing every time I sneeze.

13. Signing my kids up for sports.

14. Regretting it with every fiber of my being.

15. Going to the spa. And by spa, I mean opening up the dishwasher and getting a facial and letting my kids roll Tonka Trucks all over my back.

17. Pulling up my forehead and wondering what I’d look like with Botox.

18. Asking my Alexa questions I could easily find out myself. ALEXA, HOW COLD IS IT OUTSIDE?

19. Making brownies and pinching them off one tiny bite at a time until the entire thing is gone, but not wanting to eat a big chunk at once because THAT would make me feel calorie-guilty.

20. Yelling at my kids that they need to stop yelling.

21. Misspelling restaurant. REST-RAUNT? REST-O-RANT?

22. Filling up my phone with screen-shorts of funny memes, things I want to buy, and recipes I will never actually make.

23. Pretending like there’s not a bag of chocolate stuffed in the back of my closet.

24. Trying to remember who I saw the day before so I know whether I can repeat an outfit the next day.

25. Debating whether or not to stay up and watch “just one more episode,” deciding to stay up, being tired the next day and promising not to do it again, and then doing it again that same night and repeating for all eternity.

I COULDN’T HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF.

Happy Monday, Friends!

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