Fashion Friday (7/30/21)

Y’all.

It’s FriYAY, and I couldn’t be YAYer about that than I am right now. I mostly have plans to lie in a cold bath and pretend that the world isn’t melting outside, but the truth is I’m going to have to fit a few extra things into that Very Busy Schedule.

Errands, and then cold bath.

Anyway, I’ve been talking a lot about summer outfits, and that’s cool, because, well, it’s summer and this is what I’m wearing.

But if you’ve been reading the blog awhile, you’ll know that I’m an outspoken PCOS warrior and lifetime yo-yo dieter. I’ve worn every clothing size from 2-14. Not joking. Sometimes in the same month.

All of that to say this: summer clothes, and the sheer uncovered-ness of outfits designed for temperatures somewhere around BLAZE, are not my wheelhouse. I’ve spent many summers in layers, sweltering in shapewear, an undershirt, and a top shirt.

Girls. I GET IT.

It’s hard to be comfortable in less clothing, especially when it shows more of you than you’d like.

But I’m also 35 years old, which is too dang old to continue hiding behind layers of spandex. I made peace with my thick thighs a couple of years ago, and I’ve been happily rocking shorts every summer since.

You can, too.

There are ‘rules’ in fashion, but I don’t like to think about those. Instead, I like to reference ‘tips’ and ‘pointers’. Helpful advice that you can take or leave, because it’s your body and your wallet and that’s that.

SO. If ‘pretty eyes and thick thighs’ sounds a lot like you and you’re here for some flattering shorts, READ ON, friend.

High-waisted anything is the very BEST. I cannot stress that point enough. I have several pairs of high-waisted shorts that I’ve worn over the last few years, and they’re universally flattering, no matter how much extra weight I packed on over the weekend. Which can be anywhere from a pound to ten – not joking.

It’s a curse.

Anyway, the higher waistline draws the eye to the smallest part of you. Moms in the 80s and 90s knew this trick, which is why those puffy crotched, high-waisted jeans took so long to die out.

And that’s why they’re back in, too. Get you some, girl!

Another super important tip is to avoid shorts that are too tight. The last thing you want to do to those awesome, powerful thick thighs is to constrict them in a pair of too-small shorts that leave them oozing out from under the hem like they’re trying to make a run for it.

Y’all. Someone had to say it.

I own a pair of thick thighs, and I GET THE FRUSTRATION of sizing up or constantly searching out shorts with big leg holes. Loose leg holes? Loose hem openings? None of those things sound correct, but the bottom line is this; no matter the circumference of your thigh, it is NOT going to look its best when it’s popping out from under the hem of your shorts.

Loose leg openings, sweet friends. We’re going for loose leg openings.

(nope, that’s still not sounding quite right, but you get the point).

You can totally trick the eye with the cut of your shorts. In this example, the model (who does NOT own a pair of thick thighs, but that’s not the point here) wears a pair of shorts with slits in the sides.

This is giving her thighs some breathing room without actually taking the hem up to indecent heights, so it’s fooling the eye into seeing a slimmer silhouette.

This is going to take some time and effort, but you’re gonna need to try on a lot of shorts, my friend.

Kiss a lot of frogs, if you will.

Length is KEY when it comes to shorts for thick thighs. Typically, a 5” inseam is a good place to start if you’re average height. But that’s not a rule, remember? You may find that you’re happiest in a 3” inseam with rips and slits. GO FOR IT, GIRL.

You may also only be comfortable in a 7” or 9” inseam (Bermuda length on average-height gals). And that’s okay, too.

Once you find the length that flatters your own personal thighs, you can shop a lot smarter and eliminate any that don’t fit YOUR PERSONAL THIGH PROFILE, so doing the work ahead of time and kissing all those frogs will totally pay off in the long run.

Details, details, DETAILS, my friend. Pleats, artful rips, hem rolls, and other details can make or break your look. Pay attention to the back pockets – are they high enough to visually lift your butt, or are they dragging your rear down?

I tend to stick to simple details; a few rips are fine, but I don’t like to see my leg through them. Pleats are perfect. Hem rolls are a yes, please. But rhinestones and swirls and embroidery and sequins are a hard pass from me, so if you’re looking for that kind of advice, it won’t happen here.

I know that none of this is rocket science, but y’all, I sincerely wish that someone had shared these pointers with me before I started shopping for shorts. It would have saved SO MUCH TIME AND EFFORT AND DRAMA.

And with that, I’m off to see about a cold bath. Happy Weekend, friends!

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