I am totally unprepared for fashion items that I grew up with to become throwbacks, y’all.
Like, just go on ahead and send me up the river. I’m officially OLD.
The 90s, though. They made a big comeback in 2020, but apparently, since nobody had the chance to show off their super-fly throwback outfits in the middle of a pandemic, they’re sticking around awhile.
I remember some distinct things about the 90s. Big grunge energy, for one – Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love were the poster couple for 90s grunge, and almost everyone owned at least one plaid flannel shirt. But I was more enamored with Carolyn Bessette Kennedy’s style. Simple, elegant lines and neutral palettes with a bold, red lip, and little girl me thought she WAS FASHION.
What she also was? Model thin and incredibly well connected in the fashion industry, so essentially, little girl me was NOT wrong.
Anyway, I’m built in the opposite manner, so sadly, my fashion icon and I bear very little resemblance. But JUST IN CASE I want to try, there’s some big 90s trends out now.
You know. Because it wasn’t enough the first time around.
- Crescent-shaped shoulder bags. Fendi comes to mind here, because in the 90s, Fendi was IT. I’m not sure if it was the excessive use of the letter F in their designs, or because they were actually well-made, but bottom line, nothing screams ‘I’m a 90s purse’ like a little half-moon ditty tucked right up into your armpit. Let’s face it. This is totally not a mom bag. Did moms carry handbags in the 90s? I distinctly remember diaper bags with little yellow ducks on them, but I’m pretty sure that’s all the 90s had to offer the moms of the world.
- Slip dresses. Typically bias-cut and composed of some completely unforgiving fabric (I’m looking at YOU, satin), this silhouette is quintessential 90s. Being raised in an ultra-conservative home, bias-cut anything wasn’t happening on me as it tends to highlight the feminine shape more than my dad believed was necessary, so I can’t speak to this style. What I can say is that the way my hips are set up, I am as unlikely to have an opportunity to speak to this style in 2021 as I was in 1996.
- Squared-toe sandals. I’m not going to lie, I owned a pair of squared-toe sandals up until just a few years ago, when I finally purged my enormous and completely over the top shoe collection of anything that I hadn’t worn in the last several years. I. Was. The. BUSINESS in my squared-off, strappy sandals, y’all. Sometimes paired with pantyhose, because I’m a LADY and we didn’t know any better. I loved the style and was dedicated to rocking them everywhere, even though the extra space around my toes tripped me up from time to time.
- Unnecessarily tiny sunglasses. Y’all, I thought this trend was best left buried back in the 90s. I remember when we all made the MOST fun of old ladies in their bug-eyed 80s glasses, though – smaller specs were where it was at. And then the trends ebbed and flowed, as trends usually do, and sunglasses became enormous once again. AND I LOVED IT. My blind self needs the coverage provided by Hepburn-esque shades three sizes too big for my face.
And polarized, if you please, because nothing says ‘I’m OLD’ like having to have special sunglasses.
These days, it’s about the smaller shapes a la 90s fashion, and while I think it’s cool, and all, I’m gonna just be the little old lady in the bug-eyed 80s glasses, over here, COVERING ALL OF MY EYES.
Did I miss any ‘throwback’ trends making an appearance again this year?