Holiday UNguide, Edition 2020

Y’all.

I AM IN HOG HEAVEN.

I don’t even know what that means, but I live in the south, where half of the sayings don’t make sense.

But it’s HERE. December is just a day away. We’re still snacking on Thanksgiving leftovers and avoiding mopping and real effort and just soaking in all of this holiday.

Part of that, obviously, is gift planning. I usually start planning and buying Christmas gifts in October or so. Once I get the tree up, I like to start filling it with presents. And then it gets out of control really quickly, because gift giving is my FAVORITE.

This year, we’re trying to be more moderate about gifts. We have 7 kids celebrating Christmas in our home. 9 adults. It’s a whole lot, and pushing ourselves to provide 15 gifts per person can distract from the reason for celebration, by wrapping paper volume alone.

So we’re trying to rein it in.

Anyway, those lists have been checked twice or twenty seven times. But you know who doesn’t make lists and plan ahead?

My other half.

He’s great at it. I mean, his proposal was amazing. He planned it and the rings and photographer and it was romantic and beautiful.

Christmas shopping? It’s usually a couple of days before the actual holiday. WHEN ALL THE GOOD STUFF IS GONE.

But it’s not like I’m hard to please! I mean, I keep things simple. I’m super grateful for anything that anyone would take time to pick out for me! I might not actually USE it, but I’m thankful for it.

But then, by not using it, I’m being picky and it’s going to turn into a thing because I DIDN’T EVEN USE IT.

Y’all. It’s exhausting.

If you’re anything like me, you’re pretty straightforward about your needs and wants. It’s not a secret. The clothes I wear? Simple. Straightforward. The things I buy? SIMPLE. STRAIGTHFORWARD.

So in an effort to help people like him out, I’m posting a gift UNguide for the average, mid-thirties, southern, Jesus loving, girl mama, millennial, tired, caffeine addicted, holiday obsessed, 5’4”, blonde-ish, green-eyed person.

No one specific, you understand.

Here goes!

Makeup – more specifically, a gift card to buy some of the good stuff. When this fictional, average person became a mama, she PROBABLY stopped buying that for herself. So, you know, that’s an option.

Starbucks – throw some money on that card, baby. Mostly because this person is addicted to caffeine and may or may not have a daughter who loves cake pops like they give her life.

Travel – give her the gift of an opportunity to plan a vacation and put a down payment on it. This person might love to travel and want to share new experiences with her fictional daughter, so gifting experiences is always a win.

Wardrobe updates – there may be some wardrobe items this person has that could use some updating. She might have scuffed her beloved Tory Burch sandals. She might have a burning need for a Gucci belt because EVERYONE ON THE PINTEREST WEARS ONE. She might want to rock some Lulu to the gym.

She might also want a decent pair of jammies and new underwear because she ain’t that fancy.

It’s just a possibility.

Debt repayment – nothing is sexier than fiscal responsibility, right? This person might want to divert funds that might have gone into Christmas gifts and sock a big ol’ snowball at the family debt.

So, there it is. The perfect list, narrowed down to approximately the width of the continental US.

What could possibly go wrong?

Happy Monday, friends!

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